It's Hard To Say

It looks like we get to the point where we finally figure it out, but it takes a long, long time.
I really wish some people would've got it all figured out a long time ago; otherwise, maybe I wouldn't have turned and walked away.


I don't believe in leaving doors open "just in case" someone wants to go back. It is hard to say I kept some hope with me about someone getting back with me. I knew the best was not to be with this person. It is true, time cures. The best part is that we can choose how long time we want to suffer. Lesson learned. The faster we realize that each relationship, good or bad, is a gift and an opportunity to learn from ourselves, the faster we will be able to cure and start loving and living again.

It is hard to say what is in some people that we always want to be with them. I feel I have learned about the feeling of knowing for sure when I really like someone; to the point that I don't care about many things. I don't care about the things this person doesn't have. I don't care about many circumstances. I don't feel like trying to fix this person.

They say love is blind but I have never been that blind, I promise I always have had my feet on the ground; however, when I have been with someone I really like, I have not cared about anything else, I could have spent every single day with this person and everything else probably would have not mattered.

A Little Bit of Everything

As it is

Almost end of semester. I am petty much done with all my classes now I'm getting ready for finals. I am in the point where my body is so exhausted that it is even really hard for me to get up every morning for the last 3 weeks. I did not have a problem getting up at 5 or 6 AM every day but now it is ridiculously hard.

I had a good day so far. I went to bed at like 2 am and I went to work from 8 am to 1 pm with one class in between. I was so hungry when I got off work but I did not have time to eat because I had to finish up a presentation for my next class. I did that right on time, I presented and it went really well. I talked about something that means a lot to me and that I had researched carefully. Shortly after that I ran to grab something to eat really quick and went to the TA for help in one of my classes, then I went to my other class. I was dying, I started to feel so sleepy. One of my classmates asked me to go on a date tomorrow. He seems to be a really good guy, I hope to get to know him more.

Right after that I went to the math lab and I realized that I could not keep going, so I stopped and laid down for a little bit. I had a 30 min nap and then I went to the math lab for help in one of the problems I missed in the last test. Dang! I have to become more effective when studying. I am getting used to the system here and I have to improve because I don't want to be a mediocre student. It is hard and requires hard work.

So far until today I have accomplished many things in my life.  I have ended up accomplishing other things without having them in my plans but I feel satisfied until now. I have a lot of time ahead I dare to say and I want to go for more.

I have also been thinking that I should give back. I have received so much. I really want to give back. I think I will follow my bishop's counsel: "Make it a goal." If I plan to serve, I will do it no matter what and I'll stop postponing it.

I'm here back at the library to study and try to figure out my homework, I went out to get something to eat and drink. I called my mom to let her know I was cold, hungry, tired and with lots to do. It feels good to know that she is always there for me. I'll miss her so much when she departs from this earth.

This is a lil bit of how I roll... Very good days so far. I'm alive and protected. I'm loving and smiling.

One of my professors told me today: "Your smile will change lives." I don't pretend to mention this in a cocky way whatsoever but I always get compliments from people about my smile. Of course, it cost me 4 years of braces! True thing is that laughing hard and smiling is my thing baby. That's what I'm talkin' bout!

People say I am crazy in a good way. Yeah, I accept that description and I love it, I'm crazy in so many ways but once someone gets to know me it's a completely different story. I keep myself authentic, I am crazy here and there but I am also very serious. I do a little bit of everything and I am a little bit of everything.

When I die I want to be buried right next to my husband and I want to have this phrase engraved on our tombstone, "always remember there was nothing worth sharing like the love that let us share our name..." (Murder in the city, The Avett Brothers). If tattoos were not bad for my body I would totally have that tattooed in my back.

Good break, buh!
Back to it!

To the South. Picture from last weekend.

And If I Say I Really Knew You Well, What Would Your Asnwer Be?

And if I say I really knew you well, what would your answer be? Well, knowing you, you'd probably laugh and say, that we were worlds apart. But as for me, I still remember how it was before and I am holding back the tears no more. What about the time we met? Well, I suppose that you could say that we were playing hard to get. What about the night we cried? Because there wasn't any reason left to keep it all inside. Never understood a word, but you were always there with a smile. 

Leaving Before Being Left

The letter I wrote, I found it today after a long time... I have let go now.

Yyyy,

I really appreciate you taking the time to write a letter for me but I would've preferred not receiving anything like that from you because it wasn't what I would've expected to read after the last time we talked. I have been thinking a lot about you too. I really miss you. Some days I felt like just going to your house and tell you how much I miss you but that was not going to fix anything so I decided not to...

I think you should know that the first days without you have been hard. The mornings have been the hardest because I still feel that emptiness inside me. I'm okay during the day since work and other things keep me distracted and busy but it is also hard when I go to bed because I think about you and I miss you. It really is being hard I must say because I was so used to have you by my side. I am very sure I'll get over it sooner than later, do not worry about me. I feel good and I think I'm happy, I just miss talking to you and knowing that I also lost a friend makes me feel sad. I understand this is natural and it will go away.

Just like you, I also enjoyed all the moments we spent together. The day we went to the canyon at midnight was also my favorite. I remember the day we said that we didn't care about anything else when we were together because we felt so happy with each other, it made me feel super happy to know you felt the same way I did.

I wish you all the best, I will be very happy to hear about you succeeding in life. 

Claudia

“A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left.” - Marilyn Monroe

Letting go is also a process!

If I Fell

This is how I’ve always felt...

If I fell in love with you would you promise to be true and help me understand cuz I’ve been in love before and I’ve found that love was more than just holding hands…

I must be sure from the very start that you would love me more than [him]… If I love you too don’t hurt my heart like [him] cuz I couldn’t stand the pain and I would be sad if our new love was in vain… So I hope you see that I would love to love you.

Promise it!

Promises are sometimes unfaithful or obvious lies...

Someone once said that "a real boyfriend keeps his promises even if he makes hurtful decisions."

The more a person promises the more this person disappoints... Napoleon Bonaparte said that the best way to keep one's word is not to give it...

A Story Between My Fingers

Inspired by Gianluca Grignani

 

I think that our moments together have not been for nothing

You go away from me and what? I won’t fight because of this, you already know it

But at least stay with me more time

I don’t think we could find something better than our romance.

What are you going to do? Just find an excuse and go away

Don’t worry about me, I will write you a couple of songs just to try to hide my emotions

I will think a little bit about the words… I will talk about your smile that opened the doors to my paradise

Say it with Flowers

Take her flowers tonight before she changes her mind.

Take her flowers that last until you get back.

Dating versus Hanging Out by Dallin H. Oaks

Knowledgeable observers report that dating has nearly disappeared from college campuses and among young adults generally. It has been replaced by something called “hanging out.” You young people apparently know what this is, but I will describe it for the benefit of those of us who are middle-aged or older and otherwise uninformed. Hanging out consists of numbers of young men and young women joining together in some group activity. It is very different from dating.

Unlike hanging out, dating is not a team sport. Dating is pairing off to experience the kind of one-on-one association and temporary commitment that can lead to marriage in some rare and treasured cases.

Simple and more frequent dates allow both men and women to “shop around” in a way that allows extensive evaluation of the prospects. The old-fashioned date was a wonderful way to get acquainted with a member of the opposite sex. It encouraged conversation. It allowed you to see how you treat others and how you are treated in a one-on-one situation. It gave opportunities to learn how to initiate and sustain a mature relationship. None of that happens in hanging out.

Men, if you have returned from your mission and you are still following the boy-girl patterns you were counseled to follow when you were 15, it is time for you to grow up. Gather your courage and look for someone to pair off with. Start with a variety of dates with a variety of young women, and when that phase yields a good prospect, proceed to courtship. It’s marriage time. That is what the Lord intends for His young adult sons and daughters. Men have the initiative, and you men should get on with it. If you don’t know what a date is, perhaps this definition will help. I heard it from my 18-year-old granddaughter. A “date” must pass the test of three p’s: (1) planned ahead, (2) paid for, and (3) paired off.
Young women, resist too much hanging out, and encourage dates that are simple, inexpensive, and frequent. Don’t make it easy for young men to hang out in a setting where you women provide the food. Don’t subsidize freeloaders. An occasional group activity is OK, but when you see men who make hanging out their primary interaction with the opposite sex, I think you should lock the pantry and bolt the front door.

If you are just marking time waiting for a marriage prospect, stop waiting. You may never have the opportunity for a suitable marriage in this life, so stop waiting and start moving. Prepare yourself for life—even a single life—by education, experience, and planning. Don’t wait for happiness to be thrust upon you. Seek it out in service and learning. Make a life for yourself. And trust in the Lord. Follow King Benjamin’s advice to call “on the name of the Lord daily, and [stand] steadfastly in the faith of that which is to come” (Mosiah 4:11).